When "Jesus Loves Me" IS and HAS to be Enough

Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. 
(Psalm 136:26)

Sean loves music. In the last month he started saying/singing his blessings all on his own and spontaneously singing songs. The song that touches my heart the most is, "Jesus Loves Me". Perhaps because I sang it zillions of times growing up, sang it to both my babies in the womb, and have been singing it to Sean in person since the day he was born. Perhaps I sing it to him so much because I know that not even my love is enough for him (how very strong it is), but the love of Jesus is the only perfect love. It is the simplest of songs, but yet the most difficult concept for me to grasp. I have been struggling with accepting the love of Jesus for years, but in the last year it has become more evident to me how the love of Jesus truly is the most fulfilling love. Not to say I have grasped it. I don't think it is fully possible until we meet him. That is the journey...trying to accept and understand God's love for us.

Every Christ follower's journey is different. My journey has been filled with hurt...like everyone. I look to people for love. Aren't we supposed to? People are really bad at loving. Truly loving. We can't possibly love like Jesus. We are made in His own image, but we are imperfect. Our hearts ache to never be hurt...to be loved...accepted...encouraged. God made us that way. We were made for something better. Yet we wound each other over and over again. God allows mess to happen in our lives, protects us from some of it, but ultimately loves us through it all. 

How do you balance hurt and love? How do you make sense of it? Forgiveness. I must forgive many times a day, because I am disappointed or hurt this often. Some hurts run so deep that I find myself wondering if I ever truly forgave or have I taken it all back again. Then the guilt comes. I feel guilty for not forgiving. I remember how God forgives me repeatedly and I am humbled. It is a vicious cycle that keeps going. I desire relationships with family and friends. I want relationships, but it seems every time I try, I get hurt again...the door shuts in my face. I try to reach out to someone and then I am rejected. The baggage of the past comes back in and I feel so unworthy of love. 

Then I tell myself perhaps I am looking to others too much. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe the loss of my mother and daughter makes me unreasonably needy in some areas. Instead of God working through others to show me love, maybe he is working in my loneliness. Maybe he is asking me to be completely alone with him. So I can truly know him. So I can sincerely forgive. Perhaps he is telling me this is a season. A season of beautiful moments of motherhood, being a friend and helpmate to my husband, and being a daughter to my father. Perhaps all of this means more to me now than ever because I am a wife and mother. How I process and cope with my pain seriously affects my family. No, I can't have it all....but most women do want it all. You shouldn't always go after what you want, because what you want isn't always what God wants for you. 

I go in and out of having contentment with my life. 

Restlessness is where change in your heart occurs. 

So, here I am Lord in my loneliness to have you fill me with your love and cover those wounds of human rejection and abandonment. To help me find contentment again as I work through more wounds this world has laid upon me. Thank you for promising to bandage my wounds. Thank you for being there to fill the void of mother and friend. Thank you for your amazing sacrifice and gift of love. Thank you for being everything I need...thank you for being enough.

When I ask Sean who loves him, he always says, "Jesus". It is sometimes followed with "Mommy and Daddy", but he never fails to say "Jesus" first. Shouldn't we all have that simple, trusting child like faith in Jesus' love for us?

So during this holiday of Thanksgiving I am thankful for God's never ending grace and love....