Stay Strong

"Stay Strong", is one of those phrases of encouragement that just gives me an uncomfortable feeling. I know each person who says it means well and I appreciate their good intentions. But I honestly wonder what they are thinking when they say that? Are they thinking that if the one who is facing hardship gives into his feelings of grief with crying and/or screaming that they will end up having a mental "breakdown"? Are they scared of facing reality? Aren't we more likely to have a "breakdown" if we keep the natural process of grief bottled up inside and "stay strong". Maybe they mean stay strong in the Lord and his strength...

I think of Sean and his developing will and his little toddler temper. It breaks my heart that he gets so frustrated when he doesn't get what he wants. In all honesty, I would rather he safely express those feelings rather than bottle them up. As long as he isn't hurting himself, someone else, or something. Once he has his little tantrum all is fine again. He has worked through it and he has accepted reality. He isn't going to always get what he wants because he wants it, and what he wants isn't always what is best for him. A hard lesson for us to learn in life.

Life gives us a multitude of disappointments, but some of the worst are lost loved ones and that is where I have heard those two words, "stay strong". The first time I heard it was when my mother died. I was thirteen years old and I took those words to heart. I was 13...I was impressionable. Maybe I didn't understand what they meant. However, my 13 year old brain processed those words to mean I needed to fight the tears. I had to stay strong for my father. I was all he had after my mother died. I stayed strong for my mother much of my life and now I had to stay strong for my father. As a result of keeping it all in for so long and trying to find the strength in myself, a stomach ulcer formed and I was diagnosed with borderline ulcerative colitis and depression at the age of 16. Fortunately, there were some people who said, "You don't have to be strong anymore. Let it out, Letia". They told me I didn't have to keep the feelings bottled up or try to run from them. I may not have learned how to let it out then, but I am learning. I am still learning. I am still learning what it means to fully trust in God's strength and not my own. I have learned more with each loss I grieve. Those words came again when I lost my baby girl and then I heard it yet again when my father-in-law passed away.

The summer before I lost my Mom I asked Jesus into my heart. There is no way I could have carried the grief on my own. I remember those who told me I didn't have to be strong. It was liberating...a weight had been taken from me...I was free. I let all the stages of grief come...I let the anger...I let the tears of sorrow...I let it all in and it was there that I professed it to God. It was then that God could work in me. For it was in my weakness...my surrender...that he did the work in me. I didn't have to be strong in my flesh. I didn't have to strive to have worldly perfection. I didn't have to be in control. I didn't have to appear to be okay to everyone else. He loved me in my brokenness. He loves me. It was when I let Him take all of me that I was made strong. His grace was sufficient. Just like Sean...as long as he isn't hurting himself, someone else, or something...let it out. Sean's heart is then open to the discipline and instruction we give him and the unconditional love and grace we provide. Just like Sean my heart will be open to God's unconditional love and His work in me, if I acknowledge and truly work through the disappointments this life brings. That is where I find strength...where I find peace...where I find contentment...and where I eventually find joy.

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." (Psalm 126: 5-6)

Now, when I hear those words, "stay strong", I just add my life's lesson. "Stay strong in Him" Lean on him...strength doesn't mean holding back, but letting Him into every facet of my life. Letting Him work in my messy life...in my deep pain...in my weakness and my ugly sin. Often that means crying and getting on my knees in prayer. Being true to myself and God about what is going on in my broken heart. That is how I find that strength everyone so desires to see in everyone around them.

"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
(Romans 5: 2-5)

When I am in the midst of suffering, it is so hard to rejoice. The rejoicing comes after the sting and mental cloudiness of grief. It is then that I rejoice in the beauty of God. When I fully realize this life isn't about me and my fleshly desires, but being used for his purpose and being unconditionally loved by Him. Being content in His will for my life. That is where I find the strength to do the work he has put me on this earth to do. He is a faithful and loving God and I am so grateful for His never ending grace...